This week, I changed my Mom's flowers on her grave. My sister and I always make them ourselves so that they are really big and beautiful, but this time I had them ordered. The flower shop actually did an excellent job. They are fall colors and she would definitely love them. I cleaned her stone while I was there and it looks so pretty. It is so weird how I have such different feelings when I go to her grave. Sometimes I feel happy when I am there. Sometimes I feel sad when I am there. Sometimes I feel mad when I am there. Just seeing her name on that stone makes me sick to my stomach. It has almost been a year since she passed away and it STILL hasn't sunk in to me yet. I get so upset knowing that my Mom is GONE and it is something that I will NEVER heal from. It will never stop hurting. So many things in our life has changed since she has been gone and I am so thankful, but it hurts that I can't call and tell her. Little Miss will never know the love that her Nana would have had for her...but she will always be TAUGHT how much love she would have had for her! I miss my Mom soooooo badly. Every single day I think of her and every single day I still cry for her. I will never heal from losing her...How do you accept that? How do you move on from something that you don't want to move on from? To feel that I am moving on feels like I am forgetting her, it makes me feel further away from my Mom. One of the best things that my Mom taught me was LOVE. She taught us all the love of a family and that at the end of the day, that is all that matters. My Mom taught me how to be a Mom, even though she isn't here now that I am a Mom, she shines through me every day because I am so much like her.
She shines through my Brother, my Sister and me...
Oh Kelly, this is so sweet! I don't know your pain and I can't imagine what you and your family feel everyday. I do know that your mom had to be one special lady to have raised and loved a special young lady like you! Little Miss will know her Nana loves her because you will teach her what love and family is about just like your mom taught you! When Little Miss grows up she will know too, that at the end of the day all you have is FAMILY!!
ReplyDeleteI love you Kelly!
Oh Kelly, I have just cried reading this. I can't imagine the feelings you have and I'm so sorry that you've had to experience them. Little Miss will grow up knowing she has an amazing Nana and will love to hear stories about her as she gets older. I know your Mom is so proud of you and how you are such a wonderful mom and is always looking down on your family. Love you Kelly!
ReplyDeleteAfter reading this post, I prayed for you Kel. I prayed you will find peace and comfort while trying to deal with losing such a sweet mother. I have never lost anyone close to me so I can't relate to what you're going through in any way or form but I do know one things for sure... she is still with you every day. Not physically but she's with you. She's still showering you with all that love you were talking about in this post. I know you miss her. You always will. But it will be a glorious day when you get to see and be with her again!!! :) I love you. And I am here for you any time, any day. If you just need to talk or just get out, call me.
ReplyDeleteThe pain we have from losing someone we love can only be lessened by time and God. Your mom watches over you everyday. She definitely had a part with God in sending us Little Miss. I am here for you anytime you need to talk, cry, or just be held. Love you so much.
ReplyDelete*tearful* no *crying* I am so sorry for you and your loss....I know you will keep her memory alive by talking about her to Little Miss...You are a beautiful woman and a great mother, I so glad that we have become friends :)
ReplyDeleteThank you for the Congrats Kelly, and YES I was planning on sending you an invite to the party!! You will love it!! Have you been to one before? I hadn't before last night and loved it!! It will be November 11 at 6:30 PM. Look forward to seeing you and feel free to bring Little Miss..hehe
ReplyDeleteKelly, my prayers are with you and your family. You are such a sweet person and I know Little Miss couldn't of been placed in your life at a better time. Always remember your mom is watching down on all of you and even though she is in a better place, she's always right there in your heart, walking with you everyday.
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